Negative Self Talk
Your Negative Self Talk
How does the voice of your negative self talk sound? Is it the voice of doom?
Does your negative self talk say …….You are worthless, useless, a failure, lazy, ugly, a mess, non-deserving, not good enough, unlovable, stupid, fat, etc?
Where as positive beliefs are generally like your supportive best friend, negative beliefs, which feed into our negative self talk, can really be a pain in the backside as they can try and prevent you from achieving the fabulous life that you truly deserve. They can feel like a lead weight around your neck telling you that you are less than who you really are or that you have some sort of fatal flaw.
What is your belief system?
Your belief system is like a big storage sack in your body which contains your so called ‘ truths’ or everything what we believe to be true about ourselves, other people and the world around us. It is a really important part of our lives, yet most of us are not aware of its existence and do not pay much attention to it. To be honest, most of our negative beliefs are just spam that we have learned to believe from an early age. However, to you, your beliefs are your ‘truths’ and not only do you totally 100% adamantly believe them to be factual; you experience everything in your life through these ‘truths’. Our negative beliefs quickly become the voice of our negative self talk.
Negative Beliefs in Relationships
In relationships, a negative belief such as ‘I am not good enough’ can cause you to lose confidence in yourself and doubt your ability to get what you really want. This belief can stop you taking care of yourself and cause you to stay in a bad relationship because you fear being alone for the rest of your life. This is an extremely common belief I see in my role as a Sydney Life Coach!
I estimate that about 70% of the world’s population, has on some level, negative self talk that they are unlovable.
The bad news if this negative self talk is left to run riot, it will virtually guarantee that your external world will reflect this belief back to you. If this is one of your ‘truths’, you will find yourself acting out in ways which support that belief. You may chose to stay in a toxic relationship as you believe nobody else will love you or you may avoid taking any risks in life as you are afraid of failure. You may also self sabotage any efforts you make to make improvements in your life and avoid people and situations that can help you break out of your self-defeating patterns because you will feel uncomfortable about doing so.
As young children, our self image and beliefs are formed by what we have been told by others. As children, we were all programmed to believe what our parents told us weren’t we? Just hearing the words ‘Oh, you are a naughty girl’ or ‘you are such a loser’ can start negative beliefs to form and then over time, we are convinced that these messages are true. These beliefs then get additional reinforcement over the years from other people or situations.
But hey, here is a little secret I will let you into…..you are not that child anymore and you no longer have to listen or believe this rubbish. You wouldn’t believe everything you read in a newspaper which was printed the year you were born would you? Of course not. Things have changed and progressed over time, and so should your belief and negative self talk!
How to Change your Belief System and Negative Self Talk
1) Make a list of your negative beliefs. Awareness is the first step
2) Look objectively at your list and work out where you think it came from. Who said it? Where did it come from?
3) Next to each negative belief you have identified, write down what you did well in the past. For example, if you have a negative belief that you are a bad person, look for examples in the past where you helped somebody successfully. Write down as many examples as you can.
4) Make a decision to send your internal negative chatterbox on holiday for a week!
5) Use soothing and encouraging words to change the vibration of these beliefs. ( See here for more information)
With over 18 years experience as a Sydney Life Coach, Lisa Phillips is the author of The Confidence Coach. Lisa works with clients around the globe and her work is featured regular in the media. For a no obligation chat, please contact Lisa at [email protected]