Welcome back to my three-part blog on Being Nice to Yourself!
How did you go with last week’s blogs action steps?
Remember, beating yourself up can be a bit of a bad habit so it takes patience and perseverance to make a lasting change. Never give up on yourself! Just taking little steps every day is the best way to build up that self-esteem muscle. One of my favorite sayings is ‘If you don’t feel like doing it, do it anyway’.
Today, we are going to focus on Learning to Say “No” to other people. This is also a great way to look after yourself! When asked to do something, most people would rather just say “Yes” for an easy life, rather than speaking the truth with a calm confident “No.”
We often feel fearful that saying NO will end up in further confrontation or explanation. However, if you are one of life people pleasers with the disease to please, then chances are you will end up feeling resentful and walked all over.
Think about a time when you agreed to do something you really didn’t want to do. Did you feel angry toward the person who had asked you? Did you feel angry with yourself or manipulated? Well if so, it is time to feel good about learning to say “NO.”
Learning to say “No” can be scary and it will take a bit of courage and practise. However, in time you will start to feel more comfortable with the new assertive YOU! In addition, as you learn to respect yourself and your emotions, people will soon learn to start treating you with more respect as well.
But how do you break this people pleasing habit?
We need to face facts, there are some people in the world who will make us feel uncomfortable, sad, upset or afraid. They could be:
- The bullying boss
- The friend who lets us down all the time
- The ex-partner
- The scary family member
We often feel nervous around these people but often wish we could learn to stand up for ourselves and say, what we really would like to say. Usually, we end up saying nothing and the pattern continues as people just keep on walking all over us and we continue to feel resentful. The key is to find some courage and learn some assertiveness techniques. This does not mean screaming at someone else – it just means calmly stating your needs and perhaps creating a situation, which gives you what you want without being aggressive.
Here are a few examples:
- Your boss keeps asking you to stay late and do extra work for him. These things are not really in your job description. Good response.
- I actually have a lot on now. Could you ask??? …to do this instead? I am struggling to get everything done in my day.
- A friend of yours wants you to help her move house but you are really tired and need a weekend to catch up on study. Good Response
- I would really like to help you, but I am sure you understand how busy I have been recently. Therefore, can you ask someone else? I really need to look after myself right now.
Action Step: Set yourself a task this week to say NO – when you would normally say YES. Remember to encourage and sooth yourself if you feel nervous. If you feel you would like more support, why not sign up to my free newsletter at http://www.amazingcoaching.com,au – Go on, you can do it!
Have a great week and speak soon.