Do you become anxious just thinking about it or struggle to refuse a request even though you know you really want to?
Having the ‘Disease to Please’ is very common and many of us struggle to say No at some point in our life. This can range to agreeing to stay longer at work, go out with a friend on a night out (when you would rather have a quiet night on) or lend someone your hard earned cash. Many of us have attended assertiveness training courses and still have the disease to please.
Often we agree to do something because the option of saying no just doesn’t feel comfortable. We worry what people will think of us or what could go wrong if we did say No. We weigh up the reasoning in our head and come to the conclusion that it is just easier to agree to do something, rather than run the risk of someone being annoyed or disapproving of us in some way. We believe the discomfort in saying No just isn’t worth it. We just accept that we will never be able to say No confidently and assertively.
At the end of the day it really just comes down to cost/benefit really!
The role of guilt –
In my role as a Sydney Confidence Coach, I see many people suffering from Guilt.
Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, work, family or societies beliefs, we often believe that “it’s not nice to say no”. Based on this fear of guilt, we often end up doing things we don’t really want to do.
Learning to Say “NO”
Now that you have taken the time to read this blog, I challenge you to your first action step to build assertiveness. For the next 7 days, I would like you to practice saying NO – Only In the mirror.
Try it now – go to the mirror, look into your own eyes and say it clearly, and self-assuredly.
Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Try also thinking of the person who you would love to be able to say No too confidently and without feeling guilty. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently?
Check in to this blog next week for your second installment by Life and Confidence Coach Lisa Phillips.