Are you a people pleaser? In this weeks blog I am going to share with you my top tips to release people pleasing behaviours.
People Pleasing Behaviour
It is the goal of a people-pleaser t to keep everyone around them happy — often at their own expense. They may turn themselves inside out in order to please others, often doing things they really don’t want to do. They usually end up saying yes or agreeing to do something when they really want to say no. They will tell you that everything is fine even if they are bubbling with resentment on the inside.
You can Stop being a People Pleaser
If you recognize yourself as a people-pleaser, acknowledge that you can do something about it. All is not lost I promise! It does take a little bit of courage, but the people pleasing habit that can be changed with support, focus and some gentle soothing of your fears.
Many people-pleasers are expert peacekeepers and always want to be seen as a ‘nice person’, living their life according to other people’s expectations, rather than their own.
The People Pleaser Habit
This people-pleasing habit often stems from a deep belief that we need to look after other people’s happiness and wellbeing at all costs and a deep fear of what may happen if we don’t.
Often, people with the ‘disease to please’ were brought up in families who avoided conflict and as a result, they picked up programming such as ‘You shouldn’t upset anyone,’ or ‘You must always be a nice person.’ They may also have been raised in a family environment where they believed it was there responsibility to keep family members and people around them happy. This is commonly seen where children are brought up in abusive and toxic families and may learn from a young age that in order to avoid conflict, it is safer for them to keep others happy.
Here are my tips to How to Release People Pleasing Behaviours
• If you worry about being judged by other people, remind yourself that it is extremely likely that people are not even thinking about you. this is just your own mind creating this story and illusion.
• Try to keep things in context. people will always think what they want to think anyway — so, does it really matter in the big scheme of life? Isn’t it more healthy to think what you think?
• Learn to approve of yourself rather than always seeking approval from other people. What is more important: what others think of you or what you think about yourself?
• Take small steps to honour and accommodate yourself, rather than always accommodating other people.
• Remember that you always have a choice to say ‘no’. Just because someone asks for your help, you don’t always have to say ‘yes’. Look at saying ‘no’ and declining other people’s requests as good self-care for you.
• Get clear on your own priorities in life. What is important to you? How do you wish to spend your time? Remember, you have the right to decide what to do, who to spend time with and to fulfil your own needs.
• Don’t scare yourself worrying about other people’s reactions. Just because you have said ‘no’ to someone, it doesn’t mean the fallout will be terrible. Learn to soothe yourself through your fears and acknowledge that other people’s reactions are rarely as bad as you think they might be.
About Sydney Life Coach Lisa Phillips
Author of ‘ The Confidence Coach‘ Life Coach and Confidence Expert Lisa Phillips has over 20 years experience. Her work is featured regularly in the media. Lisa is based in Sydney but works with clients all over the world.
She is currently the Confidence Coach on The Love Destination TV.
Please read her Testimonials from her Coaching clients here.