(Please note part of this article was extracted from Lisa Philips book ‘The Confidence Coach’
In my 20 years working as a Professional Life Coach, I have discovered that nothing interferes so much with the ability to have an authentic committed relationship as much as low confidence, low self esteem and feeling needy in relationships.
Therefore, if you are always looking for a relationship or a partner to make you feel loved, worthy, attractive or special you are only going to end up in relationships that cause you to feel let down, frustrated and alone.
This is never a reason to beat yourself up. However, it is an indication that it may be time for you to focus your energy on healing yourself, rather than trying to get your partner to behave in a way that makes you feel good.
You must Respect yourself enough to insist on Health Relationships
The reality is, you must respect yourself enough to insist on healthy relationships. I do wish I had a dollar for every time I raised this with my Life Coaching clients!
If you don’t have sufficient confidence in yourself or see yourself as a valuable person, then the chances are, that you will end up feeling needy in relationships. As a result, you will constantly be on the lookout for any sign, signal or word that gives you some assurance that your relationship is going to be ok – and also that you are an okay person!
Neediness in Relationships
Traits such as neediness are often associated with negative beliefs such as believing you are not good enough, not worthy enough or loveable above. Neediness is also associated with a shortage of love, trust and a fear of rejection or abandonment.
These wounded beliefs are often left dormant in our minds and body until somebody comes along and triggers them. At this point, these negative beliefs take on a life of their own, rising to the surface and causing us upset and anxiety. When these wounds are triggered, we will often try as hard as we can to push them down or find something to cover them up, which gives us a feeling of relief for a short time. Therefore, whenever you find yourself feeling needy in a relationship, you are simply searching for a band aid to cover up your old wounds.
Needy people are often searching for approval and attention from other people in order to feel good about themselves. While in relationships, they are on the lookout for their partners words and actions to soothe their stressful feelings. However, when this doesn’t happen, they can easily become hurt, unreasonable and jealous.
If you find yourself feeling needy, then it may be time to clear some of your old negative beliefs and see yourself as the worthy, loveable and magnificent catch you really are!
Life Coaching with Lisa Phillips
Lisa Phillips is a Sydney Life Coach and Confidence Coach. She is also a professional speaker and the author of ‘The Confidence Coach’ – (Exile Publishing). The award winning Life Coach has over 20 years experience assisting people to become more authentic, increase their confidence and self esteem and achieve their desires.