How to Deal with Angry People
Whether it is at home, at work or even in the supermarket, we may all have to deal with angry people on occasion.
In this blog today, I will share with you some of my insights on feeling good inside, even when people around you are angry.
My Personal Experience.
I had an unpleasant experience last week where I was running a training session for a group of people who for various personal reasons , had not been able to get into employment for many years.
There I was, standing at the front of the training room sharing some of my expertise on Confidence when several of the group got into a rage, much of it directed towards myself. I admit, that I found this a little confronting! However, as I was facilitating a large group, I needed to pull all my knowledge and expertise together to deal with angry people effectively. To be honest, it would have been really easy for myself to take it all personally ( ok, I did for a short while!) and allow their angry words to negatively effect my emotional wellbeing for days on end.
Why we get Angry.
Anger is a natural emotion. It is normal for us to feel anger. However, when our anger literally explodes on us or we experience an amygdala hijack, it is often a result of our old wounds and beliefs being triggered. It is one these occasions that you may find yourself saying things that you don’t necessary mean!
We often explode when someone or something happens that triggers our hot buttons.
Lets just say you are having a bad day, you are tired of taking responsibility for the kids, partner etc. and feeling tired and emotional. You need a break and need some time for yourself. Then the phone rings. You were supposed to go to a movie tonight with a friend but she has just cancelled on you. You end up getting angry, both at your friend, and towards yourself. You know she has a good reason to cancel but you are still annoyed with her.
The truth is…….
Your hot buttons are raw because you need sometime for yourself. You probably feel resentful of the amount of responsibility in your life and just need some time out. Your friend cancelling on your has left you feeling unappreciated and as a result, you take your anger out on her.
You see when we lose it or get into a rage, it often has very little to do with the person we are directing our anger to and more today with your own hot buttons! If your friend had cancelled on you on a day you were feeling happy and energised, you probably just would have accepted it with a smile.
How to Deal with Angry People.
- The best way to deal with angry people is to remember, their anger has come from their own personal hot buttons – and has very little to do with you. You may have just triggered an old wound, negative belief or a feeling they are having about themselves.
- Don’t take it personally – it really is more about them than you!
- Try not to react. If you get angry as well, you will just make the situation worse! Make sure you feel safe and just step away or listen compassionately.
- Ask the other person to calm down or you will not continue to engage with them
- Remember also that many angry people have a victim mentality. They perpetually feel the world owes them something and other people must fulfil their preferences or needs. Recognise this and don’t take it on!
- Always keep your own safety in mind and remove yourself from anyone who continues to verbally abuse you or make you responsible for their anger.
Sydney Life Coach and Confidence Coach Lisa Phillips has over 1 8 years experience assisting people with confidence, self esteem, anger issues, resilience and emotional wellbeing. To find out more about Lisa’s work, please see www.amazingcoaching.com.au