Don’t fear feeling Uncomfortable
Don’t Fear Feeling Uncomfortable
Whenever we start to let go of old behaviours and implement new thought patterns and actions, whether it is learning to be assertive, asking for what we want or putting plans in place to look after our own needs, we are always going to go through a period of feeling uncomfortable.
This uncomfortable feeling may arrive in your body shortly after you have spoken up, plucked up the courage to say ‘no’ to another person or simply chosen to do what works or feels right for you, rather than what another person expects you to do.
It is important to be aware of this feeling uncomfortable , because it can trip you up, fooling you into believing that it is an indicator that you have done something wrong. Be careful not to pay too much attention to it, because it will keep you stuck in old negative behaviours and prevent you from being the confident person you want to be.
This uncomfortable feeling — whether it fills you with guilt or anxiety, or causes you to label yourself a bad person or simply feel deep down that you have done something wrong — is a perfectly normal reaction to change. Look at it this way; you are building up your confidence muscle, so it is bound to feel a bit different from what you are used to. In actual fact, this uncomfortable emotion is actually a good indicator that you are changing into a more confident person and healthy change is in progress.
‘I finally stood up to my mum, informing her that I would no longer be able to come round to see her every day. It felt great for a few days … until I started to feel gilty and beat myself up. As a result, I just went back to my old ways of running around after her on a daily basis because it just felt easier.’ Emma 42
Remember, at first you will feel different, and experience feeling uncomfortable, as you change old habits and programming you may have had for a lifetime. Remind yourself that this feeling is just like any other emotion, giving you an indication of how you are feeling at one moment in time.
What makes this emotion so darn tricky is that the majority of us tend to see it as a sign that something is wrong and that we need to do something to fix it. We may use it as an excuse to beat ourselves up and doubt our decisions or actions, and this in turn may make us feel that it is easier to release this feeling by going back to old and more comfortable and familiar ways of behaviour.
Guilt can also lead us to feel uncomfortable. Most of us feel guilty at some point in our lives. Healthy guilt is an emotional indicator that we have acted against our own values or convictions.
However, unhealthy guilt may raise its ugly head after we step into a new confident behaviour, eating away at our good intentions and positive mindset. Too many of us see guilt as a reason to keep ourselves stuck, make amends or go back to our people-pleasing behaviours.
The feeling of discomfort is an indicator that can either propel you forward into confidence, or keep you stuck in old behaviour patterns.
Choose to interpret it as a sign that you are moving away from old programming and into new-found confidence! If this uncomfortable feeling grows particularly strong within you, please work through it as best as you can.
Top Tips to Work Through Feeling Uncomfortable.
• Recognize that this is a normal feeling — it is nothing to fear.
• Learn to soothe yourself with a simple statement such as, ‘I know it may not feel like it right now, but everything is working out okay for me.’
• Look at the uncomfortable feeling with a positive mindset; the truth is it means that you are doing a detox of old familiar patterns and building up your confidence.
• If the uncomfortable feeling gets really strong, go for a walk or pick up the phone and chat to someone who will encourage you through it until the feeling passes.
Award winning Sydney Life and Confidence Coach Lisa Phillips works with clients all around the world. She is the author of ‘ The Confidence Coach’ book and a regular in the Australian media. For more information, please see www.amazingcoaching.com.au.